A New Kind Of Hell
Wednesday, Sep. 25th, 2013 (5396 views)

M
ost people do not like to announce they have a stalker... I am one of those people, but I have one. Not one of those awww he is following you on Facebook and likes everything you do kind. A real life everywhere I go he is there kind. I dated my stalker for 6 years (at this time he was not a stalker, he was just a douche bag) and I ended it in 2008. It was not a good relationship, why should it be a good break up but stranger things have happened (hell froze over and the Eagles got back together). My ex got himself a girlfriend and I thought he was moving on with his life.
   
    In Feb. 2009 I went for coffee with a male friend from high school. My ex must have psychic powers because he showed up at the exact same coffee shop and made a scene, and stated my friend was destroying a family and how could I cheat on him (I wonder where his girlfriend was at that time?). The police were called and a no contact order was placed. This is where you would think things were relatively quiet, but you would be wrong. I was invited to his sister's wedding and his family's Christmas dinner (because I was "family"). I would leave my home and would come home to find my locks had been tampered with. Did you know that it cost 45 dollars to have a lock smith come out to remove toothpicks from both deadbolts? I didn't know that either, but I found out the hard way.
   
    After the restraining order was finished it lapsed (I needed to have proof of imminent threat) and things were very quiet for about 4 months. August 2010 and I started going for coffee with a very cute male. My douche bag showed up at my place of employment (psychic power of his of knowing where I worked, when he was not informed!) and delivered pink roses, I HATE pink. The receptionist loved the flowers since she was the one who ended up with them.
   
    A week later he came to my residence "to talk to me" the police were called and a report was made. Two nights later I went for appetizers with my children and the male gentleman I was seeing at a restaurant on the other side of town. Who shows up? the stalker, he stated to the person I was seeing "why are you with my wife and my family" (what the fuck we had not been together in over two years and he is engaged) he tried to kiss me and then punch the person I was with. The police were called and reports were made. I asked for a no contact order and was told I could not get one only the person who was physically attacked.
   
    After an already awesome first official date we decide to go back to my house to complete police reports because nothing says romance like paperwork. Alas, that was not to be the case because as we were walking to the house my stalker showed up again and brought "back up" with him and proceeded to smash my head into the wall several times, punch me in the face and break my jaw. My awesome date was trying to climb over me to stop this lunatic before he kills me. The police were called again and this time both the stalker and my date were arrested so everything can be sorted out. The cops that came to the first incident were at the second but handcuffs for both. Can you top that for your first date?
   
    The person I was on a date with had never been in trouble with the law in his entire life, no criminal record, not a speeding ticket, has dual citizenship and a great resume. While talking to the neighbours after the incident I found out that my stalker had been sitting on the side street watching my house for months. I didn't know this because I was SLEEPING (who the hell watches a house in the middle of the night anyways? Oh yeah, a crazy person) and this may sound morbid but could he not have made himself useful and mowed the lawn, picked up garbage, washed windows, or trimmed hedges since he was outside for hours anyways. He could have done something constructive with his time. I finally got my no contact order along with my two children. Now this is where people would say so your crazy ex left you alone right? WRONG!!!!!!!
   
    He ended up calling my landlord eight times, EIGHT.... my landlord is pretty freaking awesome and would not take a complaint without a name and he actually gave it. He would call that I had an animal, even though I had an animal from the day I moved in. He called to say he thinks I had someone living with me, without being on the lease. Another call was he didn't think my one daughter resided in the home anymore. My landlord asked what does he want from all these complaints and he responded does that not get her kicked out?
   
    He proceeded to steal my dog after the no contact order and the police stated there was nothing they could do it is a civil matter. I also walked out of work one day and my car was no longer in my parking spot, he had that towed. I called the police and was told even though there is a no contact order, to drive by his house and see if was on his property. My camper also disappeared from my driveway one night and magically appeared in his yard and yet the police said it was a "civil matter".
   
    He would follow me to and from work since the no contact order stated he could not attend my place of residence, employment or educational institution, but following me on the streets was legal. He also proceeded to call my place of employment and told them about the incident and his "version of events". Since I answered the telephone he breached his no contact order. He was arrested on a breach and was given another no contact order (because the first one worked so well). He proceeded to go to my father's residence and sit in front of his house, the police were called and it was considered not a breach. He called student loans and told them that I had never had custody of my children and they were always in the care of Social Services.
   
    If that was the case then I was taking care of imaginary children who would make a mess in their rooms, need someone to attend parent teacher interviews and chauffeur them martial arts and Girl Guides. I must have been also taking care of imaginary children when they were sick and whiny. It must have been these imaginary children who played Justin Beiber so much that is has been banned in the house for being overplayed.
   
    On Christmas eve I was informed that I had 15 days to prove that I have always had custody of my children. All those cute hand drawn pictures, or pictures you were saving for black mail (ie: when they cut their own bangs and are missing a huge chunk. Or the first time they decided to drink on an empty stomach and hurl everywhere) is NOT acceptable evidence. Alas, I proved my heathen children were always in my care and how they turn out will only be my responsibility. He also called Revenue Canada and I was audited, it came back clean as a whistle. After Revenue Canada audits you, it is easier to work for the mob and still survive. But he can do that, and the kicker is he posted it all over the internet he was going to do it.
   
    I went to the police about the harassment of following me to and from work, calling my landlord and agencies and it is perfectly legal. The people he called would have to lay the complaints against him. So if you want to stalk someone this is how you can do it legally. I got messages from people I had no idea who they were and they said my ex was going to hurt me and to please be careful. I took that to the police, and yet again, the person he told that to had to lay the complaint.
   
    My car was vandalized on several occasions, my house was egged, there was foot prints in the snow that would lead up to the front window. I received constant phone calls late at night from pay phones with just silence. It took a year of constant harassment and 14 pages single spaced of documented proof before the police finally laid harassment charges against him. He was then given a no contact order AGAIN.
   
    During this time my little sister had passed away, she was in her early twenties and it was very unexpected. My stalker wrote on her memory wall, wrote his condolences on her memorial page and was going to attend the funeral. By this time we had not dated in over 4 years and there was 3 no contact orders on the immediate family and yet, he thought it would be a good idea to go to the funeral. A third party sent a message directing him not to attend, he was sad that he could not say goodbye. Jack ass I am sad you are still on this planet!
   
    The trial was postponed and during this time his finance broke up with him and she had a no contact order on him, now at this point it makes 5 no contact orders against him and has breached several times and is racking up charges like crazy. The beauty of the justice system is as long as a person has not been convicted, racking up charges is bad, but not nearly as bad as violating probation. Finally 18 months after the incident the trial date was upon us, at this time my stalker had a shitload of charges a couple of breaches, criminal harassment, assaults and a couple of other charges.
   
    A day before trial a deal was made he would plead guilty to 2 assaults and the other charges would be stayed. I love the justice system (insert sarcasm here). My very first concern was this rat bastard gets off after he has violated numerous times and he was going to get an ankle monitor however, since he is a truck driver that takes him outside the city limits it would be hard to monitor. Oh yeah, how do you think he got to follow me to and from work in his work truck? Dumb asses.
   
    A compromise was made and he would have to stay 6 blocks away from all four of us including our home, educational institute and employment. This made me feel a little better until I read the clause- he could be on Albert St. I lived one block off of Albert St and my daughter worked on Albert St. One week after this who was driving up and down Albert Street on the evening that my daughter had Martial arts, stalker boy. Now you would think coincidental, who was still driving up and down Albert St. When I picked up my daughter from Martial arts? Stalker boy. It is these kinds of things that he does on a regular basis where is not breaking the law but is right on the verge of breaking it.
   
    One month after he plead guilty I started receiving messages from a random person who had the same initials as my stalker who would say things like I bet your ex was really sorry for what he did in the past and would change them. He would probably do things differently if you would let him. Why won't you forgive him? I blocked this person and lo and behold another person with almost the exact same name would message me again with almost the identical line of questions. I took those to the police and yet, again nothing could be done because it was done over the internet.
   
    I moved from my residence, none of the the people I worked with, nor most of my family knew that I had moved. Yet, my stalker is psychic because within THREE days of my move his probation officer called and wanted to know what area of the city he should stay away from so he does not breach. Hmmmm, how did he know that I had moved? Unless, he was driving past my house at night.... but that would be breaking the law.
   
    The impact on my psychological and social well being has been considerable. I had to restrict my life and virtually have become a recluse in order to feel safe, secure and not to be on constant guard when leaving my home. I developed anxiety and panic attacks which impacted my full time employment (I had to take a leave of absence) and withdrew from University.
   
    Sleep has become non existent and have been diagnosed with PTSD. I trivialize about how bad things are because I don't want people to know that leaving my home without someone almost paralyses me because I don't feel safe and secure not only wipes my self esteem but leaves me feeling very out of control. I have a good day when I can go to the corner store by myself without a panic attack or a family member coming with me.
   
    What bothers me the most about my stalker is what it has done to my family. Not only do they have to be vigilant when they are out to make sure he is not following them home or attending their place of business, but they also watched me go from an outgoing vibrant person to a recluse. On a whim I was able to go for ice cream, concerts, drive to Saskatoon because they just had better stores or spend a lazy day at the beach. Now I am someone who struggles to make it out of the house for appointments and can not be out of the house for more than 2 hours.
   
    My family and friends watched me lose my spark and struggle to desperately get it back. Each of them have modified their lives so I can function at the most basic level. It is beyond fathomable to a mother that her teenagers will stay at home on a weekend so she will not be alone. I grieve deeply for my best friend who has given up his social life or employment opportunities because it may take him out-of-town and he will be away overnight. So for as much shit as my stalker has done to me, it is nothing in comparison as to what he has done to my family.
   
    September 2013 the no contact orders are finished and he will legally be allowed to drive on our street and attend my children's place of education and employment. I have asked to have them renewed however, since my stalker has left me alone in the last couple of months (insert I have RARELY left my home and do not have any social media) the likely hood of this happening is slim. My hell will get to start all over again and I will have to fight the justice system to do something again.
   
    Saskatoon has a much more vigilant police force when it comes to stalking and domestic violence than Regina. I am not relishing the thought of having to deal with the Regina City police when the stalking is in full force again and I get comments like "just stay off the internet" and he won't be able to contact you.
   
    8 years after the break up, and multiple retaining orders and assault convictions, this "man" has tried to buy a house a couple doors down from my residence. Nothing can be done until he purchases the home and THEN and only then a no contact order can be issued. A little too late by then don't you think?

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Current Discussion
Friday, November 8th, 2013 1:07PM
Tanya Smith:
I'm not surprised about the insurmountable difficulty you have had getting the authorities to their job correctly, and commend you family and friends for being so supportive/protective in such a situation. I really don't have any advice to impart other than even though you are emotionally trapped you are strong for just having the courage to share such a personal story. You are not alone. You have a voice and never stop using it, or he'll win. (ps I hope do he'll just "disappear" from your life one day ;) )keep up the blog and keep on fighting!!