Originality at its finest
Saturday, Aug. 3rd, 2013 (3334 views)

I
n the last week or so I have been trying to catch up on some of the new releases. I watched Hansel and Gretel: The Witch Hunters, more so because my kid wanted me to (I am a good mom) and her boyfriend refused. That should have been my first clue, if a boyfriend won't watch the movie, it must be bad. I sit down to watch this movie and the premise is not bad.... a brother and sister are bounty hunters during the witch hunting era. However, they have modern weapons.... Yes, that is right.... a cap and ball revolver, a double automatic crossbow, a pump action shotgun and many others that just make you go WOW... REALLY. This movie was so terrible the actors even knew it and were "like fuck, can a witch just kill me now so I can leave". It could have been good, or even great if they would have kept the modern day guns out of it and maybe the ogre.... Yeah somewhere along the lines an ogre comes along. Not sure if this movie was a fairytale, a blow em up action or a historical mocumentary. I was actually yelling at the TV because of its stupidity... and I only do that during coach couching on Rider Game days.
   
    My next movie in que was Oblivion now this I thought would have had potential it even though it starred Tom Cruise (he hasn't had a good movie since Jerry McGuire) but had Morgan Freeman and the premise sounded promising. A veteran is in charge of keeping Earth safe after many years of war with alien scavs. Sounds pretty good! Well that is the best thing about the movie.... how it sounds in writing because it has got to be the most boring movie I have watched in my entire life... and I have watched Barney on the New York stage a couple million times. This movie dragged on and was hard to follow. It made absolutely no sense and at this point I could not even try to explain what was happening, but I will give it a shot. Tom Cruise had his memory erased, has flashbacks of his old life eventually meets a clone of himself and decides that the aliens are really not aliens. He finds his wife and gets blown to smithereens but another Tom Cruise comes back to her years later. Does that make any sense? No, didn't think so; but hey, I watched over two hours of that shit.
   
    Since I did not have enough of watching terrible movies I proceeded to watch G.I. Joe: Retaliation. There was a lot of controversy about this movie as Pakistan banned it. This intrigued me to see what was so controversial and on the plus side it had Channing Tatum. The premise: GI Joe's were framed for stealing a nuclear war head and giving it to Pakistan. The majority of the unit is wiped out by their own government and the survivors must find out why they were targeted. Now I love a good blow em up action movie; they are my favourite kind. This movie sucked, not only did the action suck, the premise was over done and in reality it was another one of those "when will it be over kind of movies".
   
    This leads me to the question of what happened to original movies? Why must we be subjected to movies that have the same plot over and over again. We deserve better than recycled movies. How many movies have come out that have been remade? A little research showed between the letters A-M there were 336 remade movies. Hell that is only half of the alphabet, and this does not include the sequels and prequels and all the other shit that is used to make a bunch of money.
   
    I don't fault Hollywood for this, I fault the consumers. These movies are box office hits and consumers are not demanding better quality movies. Original thought seems to be a forgotten concept. Producers, writers, actors etc get huge amounts of money, and for what? regurgitating crap we have seen. I wonder if the Hollywood elite gets together once a month and pulls a theme out of a hat to see how many movies can be made from the same concept? If that was the case I think I would be on board because then it would be plausible why everything is the same and recycled.
   
    I think it is time that we hold them up to the standard that their mentors had before them. Movies that made people want to covet action figures and were to scared to go into the water. Jaws, Star Wars and Godfather etc. will stand the test of time. We do not have any great movies being made, we don't even come close to a classic. Mediocre or mind-numbing is the best we are getting. For that honour we get to pay twelve dollars a person plus the 40 dollars for the popcorn and drink....

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Current Discussion
Tuesday, August 6th, 2013 1:43AM
Nerfherder:
"it has got to be the most boring movie I have watched in my entire life..." -clearly you have never watched the English Patient...or Water World...or the last porn I was in...

Sunday, August 4th, 2013 8:13PM
Sucka:
Hollywood can suckadickalickalog